3 Ways To Deal With Undesirable Situations: Go Along, Get Along, or Get Out!

Wow! So this is what it's come down to?... 

You're now faced with an undesirable situation that does not sit well with you and you have to determine the best way to move forward - and you know that standing still is not an option. How do you decide what to do?


Do you go along, get along, or get out?



Life has a way of teaching us even when we don't want to be taught. Undesirable situations are one of the best ways that life grows us up by throwing us curve balls. We can take the classes, learn the lessons, and move forward to the next grade level or we can hold ourselves back in summer school by not paying attention. 

One of the best ways to advance is to learn from the wisdom and mistakes of others. Three lessons that I have learned about dealing with undesirable situations are revealed below.
 

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What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it.

If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

Don't complain.

-Dr. Maya Angelou, Poet, Actor, Civil Rights Activist (1928-2014)

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3 Ways To Deal With Undesirable Situations

Some situations are just not worth the fight and that list of situations is unique to a person depending on priorities and focus. Others situations are worth life and limb which may require every ounce of internal strength and massive support systems to resolve. Either way it's best to strategically pick your battles so you can win the war when the time comes. 

Decide on the best course of action and move forward.

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No need to mention it again but changes are constant so it's important to have tools that help us to handle them quickly and with sound judgment. 


When do you GO ALONG?

Undesirable situations may be as simple as a messed up haircut or as complex as an adjustment to routines and relationships. Changes in social status, work patterns, or connections may cause a slight twinge of discomfort. For simple changes, it may be best to "GO ALONG" to keep stress low and to keep it movin'. Minor shifts in normal patterns may be necessary, but the discomfort may not last long as new realities takes hold. 



When do you GET ALONG?

Stepping it up a bit where situations in sensitive areas such as adjustments in family status or significant changes in role expectations may dramatically increase anxiety depending on the amount of control we feel like we have. 

Adjustments to financial status, challenges within trusted relationships, or in work environments can make us reach for the alarm, but often these types of situations require reflection, deliberation, and planning in order to "GET ALONG" in the moment or long term. Major shifts to norms will likely be necessary as new relationships emerge and new environments take shape. Hang in there...

When do you GET OUT!?

Now step it up even more where changes create full-force threats to health and well-being and it's time to pull the ripcord and GET OUT! 

Undesirable situations such as direct assaults on values, beliefs, and reputations, disruptions in time-tested truths, moral earthquakes that interfere with family relationships and business opportunities - or physical threats such as health scares or physical, emotional, spiritual crises - all require bottom up and top down crises resolution strategies. At this level, discomfort has become overwhelming and the way forward is - out. 

Though it is critical to make decisions and take rapid steps towards safety when the platform is on fire, it is also important to keep calm and move forward in an orderly fashion so that you do not trip and fall. This is where your life-work integration strategy drills come in handy.

Do you have a life-work integration strategy?

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At the end of the day, take it all in stride and do the best you can with what you have - and then get some coaching to do even better next time. It takes a while to assimilate new ways of being so be patient with yourself.

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Researchers have found that it takes on average 66 days (~8 weeks) for people to create new habits - ranging from 18 to 254 days until new habits become 95% automatic

-Phillippa Lally et. al, European Journal of Social Psychology

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Undesirable situations come and go. Undesirable people come and go. Undesirable circumstances come and go. What remains is your ability to deal with undesirable changes, people, and circumstances as they come and go.

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Lillian Gregory is a passionate advocate for 21st Century Leadership with special focus on Women in Leadership, Women in Technology, and US Veterans and Spouses. She provides research, strategies, tools, workshops, and events to help close leadership and career strategy gaps. Download your eBook from The Institute for Human and Leadership Excellence and get ready to climb!

© 2017 All Rights Reserved.

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Ladders, Stairs, or Chairs: Routes To The Top Are Constantly Changing

Spirals are beautiful even if they can make you dizzy. Dizzying is the the pace of change - of moving up and down, side to side, inside out, outside in, over and above. From low-speed chases to high-speed races, everyone is trying to get somewhere up or over "there". Ladders, stairs, or chairs can take you where you want to go.


Routes to the top are constantly changing...


But we're not (or are we?)...

Moving through life with the same views day after day or year after year, even when faced with overwhelming evidence that those views my no longer be valid is a sign of a normal mind. That's right - normal. 

Only 5% of our Thoughts-Per-Day are New!

Research from the Laboratory of Neuro Imaging (LONI) at USC found that the average person has about 70,000 thoughts per day or about 48.6 thoughts per minute. That's about 70,000 opportunities to change our minds, right? Wrong. It doesn't work that way. We're creatures of habit. 

Not only do we persist with about 95% of the same thoughts from day to day, reportedly an astounding 80% of those thoughts are negative. Why? Because it's normal. We were designed to maintain an internal log of negative experiences to keep us safe by helping us to avoid repeating the same negative experiences in the future.

Only 20% of our Thoughts-Per-Day are Positive!

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>>>>>  Try This  <<<<<

First, recall burning your fingers on something hot for the first time. How did it feel? 

Next, recall the warm sun on your face for the first time. How did it feel? 

>>> Which memory was more intense? <<<

It's likely that you don't remember feeling the sun on your face for the first time. Of the two memories, the negative experience is likely the most powerful one.

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Here's a positive way to look at this... Even though a 5% daily shift in our thoughts may seem insignificant, it only takes one thought to create a spark towards massive action - and we have 3500 new opportunities per day!

Everyday we have 3,500 new opportunities to change!

In addition to our thoughts, our human systems are also constantly changing. Nature takes care of us by replacing our systems at various rates of change throughout our lifetime. From replacing our skin daily to maintaining half of our heart cells for a lifetime, everything changes.

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Just so we're clear - change is constant and there are as many routes to the top as there are thoughts-per-day! Here are three such routes.

Use Ladders, Change Perspective

We often use corporate ladders to lean against organizational structures for a better view from higher up. Climbing ladders is the 20th century traditional method of getting an education, of working hard, and of moving up. Leveraging mentors for support along the way helps to keep the ladder from shaking at the base. The higher you go up the ladder the more broad your view, the greater your impact, the higher your pay, and the heavier your burden. It's a mixed bag, but your perspective changes.

Use Stairs, Change Altitude

Taking the stairs is comparable to leveraging coaches to accelerate your ascent to the top. Stairs are generally more stable than ladders since they may be supported on both sides by railings. Where ladders can be rickety depending on the lean angle or support base, stairs will get you to your next level no matter what provided that you're on the right staircase. Your expertise combined with the support of a career coach is a solid way to expand your career and change your altitude.

Use Chairs, Change Position

Changing positions is another way to supercharge your climb. Whether moving horizontally, vertically, or backwards, select strategic positions to fill in career gaps, to increase your influence, and to accelerate your growth. Education, expertise, mentors, and coaches can only take you so far. In the 21st century, career mastery requires carefully crafted teams of networks and sponsors combined with a working knowledge of the  Fourth Industrial Revolution (4IR).

In the end it's "who" you know that gets you there so build your personal "Board of Directors" with you as the Chair. Choose carefully as these are individuals who can block and tackle for you on your way up - or they can simply block you.

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If ladders don't work, 
then take the stairs or switch chairs!

...just keep climbing!

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Read more articles by Lillian Gregory here.

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Lillian Gregory is a passionate advocate for 21st Century Leadership with special focus on Women in Leadership, Women in Technology, and US Veterans and Spouses. She provides research, strategies, tools, workshops, and events to help close leadership and career strategy gaps. Download your FREE eBook from The Institute for Human and Leadership Excellence and get ready to climb!

© 2017 All Rights Reserved.

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A Prescription for Managing Crazy Changes in 2017

For me 2016 was a tough year...

I suppose millions of us could say that. The most profound challenge for me has been dealing with the hole in my heart due to the loss of my close friend Liz slightly more than a year ago. Cancer was the culprit. Typically I surf waves of sadness, loss, and uncertainty with strength and gratitude by focusing on the good things and finding meaning in tragic loss. After all I've experienced massive loss before. Somehow this year was different, more intense and more painful.

My tears have mostly dried up but the hole in my heart seems to be just as wide as my father goes in and out of hospitals at ~90 years old, as my daughter prepares me to cross the teenage threshold, and as my work-life cycles through patterns that I left behind long ago. My number one priority for 2017 is managing crazy changes with a bit more pizzazz than I did in 2016.

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When you grow up you tend to get told the world is the way it is and your job is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save a little money. 

That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact, and that is - everything around you that you call life, was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.

               
                                                                     - Steve Jobs, PBS "One Last Thing" (2011)

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Crazy Changes in Life

Personal life changes can be grouped into broad categories - physical, spiritual, emotional, relationship, time, education, career, business, wealth, and contribution. I'm sure there are many other ways to describe personal life changes, but this list just about covers it. Crazy changes - positive or negative - in any of these categories can cause lots of stress and discomfort if not managed well. Whether the change is moving up at work, winning the lottery, or moving away from home, crazy changes can rock your world.

In addition to personal life changes, there are even broader changes in society, in social circles, in communities, in governments, in technology, in climate, and across the globe - events that are overlapping with personal life transitions. We're transforming into different people at different phases of our lives where our priorities, preferences, and passions change simultaneously as the world outside of us is changing even more rapidly. These mismatched rates of change can leave us feeling shaken and uncertain. We're constantly changing - and so is our world.

As crazy life changes continue, be mindful of the change management curve shown below. We may cycle between states before closing the door on an event or transition period. It's okay to freak out a little but don't stay there for too long.

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Crazy Changes at Work

The Fourth Industrial Revolution (4IR) has brought massive technology innovations into our lives which often have us kicking and screaming in jubilation or trepidation depending on which end of the spectrum we're on. There may be jubilation when technology transforms billions of lives or creates billions of dollars - or there may be trepidation when technology transforms millions of jobs into computer programs making it nearly impossible for humans to compete. 

We're well into the new millennium and crazy work changes will continue to accelerate. We don't have the luxury of reaching back into our history for more favorable conditions - at least not for long. There is no going back - only forward - and it's up to us to find new ways to manage. Artificial intelligence, automation, optimization, off-shoring, out-sourcing, and open-sourcing are just a few of the crazy work changes that are making people gnaw at their fingernails in wonder as trusted institutions are being reconfigured before our eyes.

It's no wonder...

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"The Fourth Industrial Revolution, finally, will change not only what we do but also who we are.

It will affect our identity and all the issues associated with it: our sense of privacy, our notions of ownership, our consumption patterns, the time we devote to work and leisure, and how we develop our careers, cultivate our skills, meet people, and nurture relationships.

It is already changing our health and leading to a “quantified” self, and sooner than we think it may lead to human augmentation. The list is endless because it is bound only by our imagination."

                                                                          - World Economic Forum (2016) 

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Is Your Work-Life Balanced? If So, Great!

Several years ago I stepped away from a corporate leadership role to repay the huge time-debt that I had wracked up with my family while spending time away from them - on the road, in the air, abroad, at home - for work. I had also been engrossed in my PhD studies full-time, preparing for crazy changes that I intuitively saw on the horizon - crazy changes in the world of work.

Was I a glutton for punishment? Absolutely! I wanted to close my knowledge gaps as quickly as possible so I could be professionally prepared to help as many people as possible across the change thresholds that were rapidly coming up. I was spot on with my professional calculations, but I had miscalculated with respect to my family.

After taking bold steps to close time-debt gaps with my family, I shudder to think where I would be today if I had not shifted. I'd be further in my career certainly, but I'd also be farther away from my ultimate goal of a life well lived. I've gone the distance with my family and my soul is happy. As my dad has always said that "nothing worth having is easy." My work-life is balanced! 

Now it's time to move forward - again - this time aiming for life-work integration. Life first, then work.

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Here's a Prescription for Managing Crazy Changes in 2017

With all of the changes that we're living through right now with more to come, stay awake and alert so you can witness humanity's transformation as it speeds by! As for the craziness, here's your prescription for managing through it without the use of mind-altering substances:

• [1] Limit Exposure to "Breaking News" Reports: There are too many "breaking news" outlets everywhere chomping at the bit to capture eyes and minds. Select "real" news sources and determine specific time slots and short durations to stay informed. Otherwise shut it down!

• [2] Take Long, Solitary Walks - Be Still: Much has been learned about the overwhelming effects of mindfulness and presence to keep craziness to a minimum. In addition to limiting the influx of "breaking news", spend time alone being quiet so you can hear your own thoughts.

• [3] Spend More Time With Family and Friends: Connecting with loved ones can help to keep crazy changes in perspective. Recharge over dinner discussions, movies, sports, events, or take time to build new memories with staycations or vacations.

• [4] Focus on Top 3 Priorities: To ensure successful execution of your top three (3) priorities, keep the list of sub-tasks or objectives short, energetic, and concise. If your objectives don't energize you, then rewrite them until they do.

• [5] Expand 4IR Skills via MOOCs: There are over 4200 MOOC courses for up-skilling and knowledge expansion available to individuals with internet access anytime, anywhere - many of them are free. Decide what you want to learn, learn it, prove it, and sell it.

• [6] Build or Revamp Your Personal Brand: Branding and marketing yourself is no longer an option. Stay quiet and risk becoming a ghost before your time. There's a major difference between bragging and sharing. Strategically share who you are, what you do, and what your interests through the use of amazing social technologies.

• [7] Get A Coach, Mentor, or Sponsor: What got you here, won't get you there. Heard that before? No matter how much you know, there's always someone who can help you to learn more. Seek out and secure effective coaches, mentors, and sponsors, or start a Mastermind Group to keep your ideas fresh as you move to the next level on your climb. Keep it movin'!

This prescription doesn't have to be taken in moderation. Take all or some - either way be sure to keep this prescription with you on your 2017 journey!

Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year!

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Lillian Gregory is a passionate advocate for 21st Century Leadership with special focus on Women in Leadership, Women in Technology, and US Veterans and Spouses. She provides research, strategies, tools, workshops, and events to help close leadership and career strategy gaps. Download your FREE eBook from The Institute for Human and Leadership Excellence and get ready to climb!

© 2016 All Rights Reserved.

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Unconventional Models of 21st Century Leadership

We're well into the 21st century and it's clear that the pace of change is accelerating in every possible way except perhaps our general acceptance of those changes. 

It's almost trite to say how much change there is in technology, in business, and in leadership. Still I'm going to say it - the pace of change is astounding!

Industrial Age models spell death to all who want to hold onto those rules and structures. There's nothing left to do except to tranform into 21st century models of leadership - or die.

A bit melodramatic? Not really. The churn rate and demise of companies that don't transform is accelerating.

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US corporations in the S&P500 in 1958 remained in the index for an average of 61 years. By 1980, the average tenure of an S&P500 firm was 25 years, and by 2011 that average shortened to 18 years based on seven year rolling averages

At current rates 75% of S&P500 will be replaced by 2027

Innosight: Creative Destruction Whips Through Corporate America [i]

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Source: Innosight (2012)

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Out With The Old, In With The Bold

Innovative Apple Inc. is set to replace historic AT&T Inc. as part of the Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA) after the close of trading on Wednesday, March 18th. The implications of the shift are many. While I'm not an expert in financial markets, to me this shift signals a profound change in how we measure the future of our success and which companies get to design that future.

Hold on - this article isn't really about Apple (~39 years old) and AT&T (~130 years old) though the timing of the change couldn't be more perfect...

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...today's leaders face extraordinary new challenges and must learn to think differently about their role and how to fulfill it

McKinsey Quarterly: Leading in the 21st Century [ii]

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The question that I've been looking to answer is "what models of 21st century leadership are emerging as the most effective?" Here are a few examples of sharp contrast between "Old" (20th Century) and "Bold" (21st Century) leadership structures.

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"Old" 20th Century Leadership is often referred to as autocratic. Can we agree that this model has run its course?

Unconventional Leadership Defined

CEO Ricardo Semler is the very definition of unconventional leadership. He recently gave a TED Talk on "How to Run a Company with (Almost) No Rules" where he explained methods that have been in use for 30 years within his company and charities. His vision is as intriguing as Apple's innovations and his results are just as dramatic when it comes to organizational elightenment - or as he would say - organizational wisdom.

Semler has done away with the "boarding school" mentality that requires individuals to check in or check out at specific times. He believes that individuals should be in control of their own time. In fact he doesn't even want to know what office you're working from or which days you'll be there. 

Employees at Semco set their own salaries based on data points provided by the company. They are also permitted to "buy back" their time while they are still fairly young with more time and less money in order to live meaningful lives rather than waiting until they are older with less time and more money. Future subordinates determine their future leaders. Board meetings have a few open seats for whoever decides to show up. Sometimes those extra seats are filled by members of the cleaning crew.


This is Corporate Democracy - and it's working...


Under Semler's vision, Semco has grown through tough times at 27.5% per year for 14 years and continues its growth trajectory. Semler credits the responsive company culture which is able to open and close areas rapidly for their strong growth. 

Netflix and Zappos along with multiple companies in Japan and Holland have implemented variations of the Semco model.

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...leaders that succeed in te 21st century will be the ones capable of managing that paradox of need and want...

...it is not about getting people to do what you want them to do, it is about enabling them to do what they want to do

Morgan Witzel, Centre for Leadership Studies [iii]

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Companies with Two Heads

No - that's not a typo. Some companies such as Oracle, Whole Foods, Deutsche Bank, Samsung, and Chipotle really do operate with two or three CEOs. As with the corporate democracy model of leadership, multi-headed leadership structures are not applicable for every company. 

This type of company structure is designed to increase scope and capacity while ensuring decision-making coverage if one of the CEOs is unavailable. Challenges with these types of leadership models include client confusion, disagreements at the top, and the introduction of inefficiencies into the organizational structure.

It's been said that a house divided against itself can't stand. However, there are companies that are divided at the top and are working well.

21st Century Leadership Mantra 

Whether you're part of a fast moving corporate democracy, in a two-headed behemoth, or atop an autocracy, the 21st century leadership mantra - if there is one - seems to be: 

Move fast. Stay open. Be wise. Switch directions as needed. Globalize. Go social. Be great. Keep climbing!